and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Randomize
