I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
