i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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