If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
