She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
