but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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