Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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