Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Where is the hickey?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
