I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
