The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
