Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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