I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
