peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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