i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
