I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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