just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
