I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
