Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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