I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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