I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
