So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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