and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
