Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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