I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
