i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
