Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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