oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
