i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
