Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
