i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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