so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
