Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
