i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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