I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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