I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
