There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
