what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
