I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
