i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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