Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
