Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
