the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
