Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
