why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
