He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
