I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
