Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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