You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
