I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
