Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
