I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You can't special order awesome
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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